Forgive Thy Enemy But Don't Forget Their Name

I've been meaning to put this up for a while now but had to dig through some papers before I found these letters. Anna, "Dave"s mom, wrote me this letter in early Jan of this year (2011). I'm also including my response. This correspondence is verbatim.

January 4, 2011

Hello B***,

I would really like to put the past year behind us and start a fresh new year.

We miss Melodie very much and would like to be in her life while we are still alive.

We already missed so much and would like to visit and spoil her as much as we can  We are sorry

Please I hope we can start fresh and work something out we do not want to fight just the opposite we want to be on good terms. Please do not allenate us from her life.

Thank You

Anna

1/09/11

Hello Anna,

As much as I would like to start fresh with you this year, I know that I must put Melodie's safety and well-being first. This is a very difficult letter for me to write and I have spent days in thought and prayer. But you deserve to know why/how I've reached my decision.

When I requested in May of last year that you sign a notarized document to ensure that while Melodie was in your care that

-she was not to be left alone with "Dave" (due to his drug use, sex with minor charges, wreckless lifestyle and harmful decision-making)

-You would not take her out of the county and keep her in your home for the duration of your visit,

-she would not be exposed to anyone other than family members...

You refused. I do not feel that those were unreasonable requests. Your refusal showed me that you were not interested in putting Melodie's safety, health (both immediate and long-term) and general well-being first.

Then you sent me texts (which I still have) threatening to do whatever you could to take my baby away from me. That is something I can (and have) forgive, but not forget because it makes me fear for Melodie's safety and question your judgement if she was to be allowed in your care in the future. 

When I tried to work with you and explain to you why I wasn't allowing "Dave" to take Melodie anymore you wouldn't hear of your son's wrongdoings. The last thing I said to "Dave" was that if he wanted to see her, he would have to drug-test for me and see her with me there to supervise. Every single time I allowed "Dave" to take her, she came back with bad diaper rash, and several times he just dropped her off with you instead of spending time with her. I was always upfront with you, Guy and Lina, which got me nowhere. I never said an unkind word to any of you while you visited with Melodie in my home, or period for that matter. I think the nastiest thing I ever said to "Dave" was in court which was something like," You are a good actor but a bad person and I don't want Melodie to see the way you live your life."

I have documented proof that "Dave" was and has been selling, doing and buying drugs (not just marijuana). No mother in her right mind would allow her child, especially a defenseless baby, around any illegal activity or the company that comes with it.

"Dave" has not asked about Melodie since early may 2010. He obviously does not want to be a father and I am not going to stand by and let Melodie be confused by someone who only wants to be in her life when it is convenient for him or when he wants it to look like he's doing the right thing because others are watching. True character is shown by what someone does when no one is watching. Exposing Melodie to this kind of confusion can be severely damaging to her psyche and causes destructive behavior later in key years, like her teens and early twenties. I know this from personal experience and will do whatever it takes to prevent Melodie from making the same mistakes that I did as a young adult, as well as keep the circumstances which led to those mistakes at bay.

Remember November 2009 when I showed up on your doorstep crying because I'd found out "Dave" was cheating on me again? You told me that it was my own fault for checking his phone and that you would never think of disrespecting your husband by checking his phone. I almost miscarried the next day because of stress and "Dave" told the ER doctor he would take care of me while I was on bed rest. But he didn't meet me at our condo like he'd promised. He left from the hospital and went to LA with his friends because they'd just found a Dr. that would give them all their Marijuana licenses for $150. He told me that even though he knew it wasn't the right thing to do, he went anyway. Then he spent his time getting high, playing video games and stayed out with his mistress until early morning hours, leaving me home alone, cooking and cleaning while I was supposed to be resting so the baby wouldn't die. I talked to you and Guy but you did nothing.

I made the decision to leave because I HAD to. Melodie and I deserved better treatment from "Dave" and your family. I wanted to make sure that Melodie would grow up seeing healthy behaviors from the important and key figures in her life. I know that you were trying to stand by your son but it enables and encourages his negative and destructive behavior in the long run. "Dave" hasn't grown up or faced the real consequences of his actions because he knows that he can lie and come running to you to fix the problems that he creates for himself. That greatly concerns me and is not behavior I want Melodie to witness or copy in the future. Until you can show me that you really, truly only want what is best for Melodie and that you are no longer enabling your son's harmful lifestyle and behavior; I don't feel that it is in Melodie's best interest to have you in her life at this point in time.

I do not mean to keep her away from you indefinitely or to do so to "get even" nor hurt you. I just want to limit the harmful behaviors which she is exposed to. That being said, I don't even allow my own mother to babysit Melodie because of the way she has raised, spoken to/yelled at me and my sisters. So it is not just you, nor is it anything personal. I only want to protect Melodie as much as possible when it is within my control. I am a mother first and take my role in her life very seriously. She is the best thing that ever happened to me and I put her safety, mental/physical health first in all things. For every decision I make, I now have to think twice, once for myself and once for my daughter. Being a good parent means sacrifice, not taking the easy path and, when necessary for the greater good, tough love.

If/when you decide that you are also willing to put what is best and healthy for Melodie first, I am open for discussion of you possibly having supervised visitation with her, by way of the legal system. Until then, if you would like me to send you pictures and updates of her growth and development, I will be happy to do so. Please let me know.

Respectfully,

B***